Vanessa Peters - Thin Thread

the story behind thin thread:

what a delightful, unexpected surprise to have made this album at all! in late august 2004, i had 19 days until i was set to return to the USA for my fall tour. the guys and i decided we owed it to ourselves to lay down a demo, mainly just for booking purposes. so we started recording, not really knowing whether a demo or an EP would be born. we knew that we wanted to rework some of the songs from sparkler to sound more like we did as a band, and i had written a ton of songs since recording sparkler, including 4 or 5 i had written just weeks before we began to record. we found, of course, that we couldn't narrrow down the songs we wanted to record to only 4 or 5, and before we knew it, i had laid down 14 scratch tracks. thin thread was born like all good things are - recklessly, bravely, thoughtlessly, and happily. regardless of whether it was prudent or wise, the album was in progress.

we knew we didn't have much time, especially since those 19 days were comprised of snatched hours here and there ("borrowed time" took on a whole new meaning for me during recording). we didn't have a world class studio, or isolation booths, or engineers to mix and make their magic. this album is homemade in every sense of the word, borne to the surface by magical musical mermaids who kindly gave it air enough to breathe - or at least it felt that way to me as, amazingly, we wrapped up the last vocal take the night before i was to fly home.

during the months i was touring in the States, my amazing band was in Italy, mixing the album, putting finishing touches on the songs and smoothing off their edges. it is because of their hard work that this album exists as all. those last few weeks in august were a crazy time for us - playing shows, recording an album, and figuring out how we would remain a band with an ocean between us. it seems to me that a lot of our exuberance, frustration, impatience, excitement, and joy seeped into the recording. i hope you can hear it too.

- vanessa

*let us go singing as far as we go; the road will be less tedious.* - virgil

burning cross

in a city of 5 million faces how come I'm afraid that I'll always see yours I see you looking through windows stepping out of cars and walking through closed doors and I'm always so afraid of a chance encounter where I don't know what I'd say or if it'd even really matter much anymore cause you are the bitterness that wells up inside of me when I try to sit up straight and I try to see the goodness inside each and everyone one of us you're the savior I'm hanging on a burning cross and it's always so much harder this time of year there's a person on every corner and that guy dressed head to toe in red ringin' a bell, asking for another dollar and I guess I half expect to see you in that suit reminding me that I'm not there yet cause I've learned to forgive but not to forget cause you are the bitterness that wells up inside of me when I try to sit up straight and I try to see the goodness inside each and everyone one of us you're the savior I'm hanging on a burning cross

after i'm gone

how long will you love me after i'm gone will you give me five minutes to get out the door will you still be holding on to all the things i did wrong will you still be keeping score and we're turning white yeah we're fading fast and the credits have rolled past and off the screen they've gone into the sky or wherever it is they go off to chase some unattainable dream and i wonder if you knew that we'd end up this way with no desire to talk it out and nothing to say i wonder if you knew but were just afraid to speak cause i always have to be right and you were sure i'd disagree and how long will you love me after i'm gone will you give me five minutes to get down our street to turn into traffic with my flashers on a hazard to all that i meet and we're turning pale so see-through we've become i used to think that we'd be two of the fortunate ones and i guess we're still here still alive and full of luck some would kill to still be standing after lightening had twice struck and i wonder if you knew this is how it would end a shade or two darker than i normally recommend a joke that fell flat on too-attentive ears a black line straight through the record of these years and i wonder if you knew that we'd end up this way with no desire to talk it out and nothing to say i wonder if you knew but were just afraid to speak cause i always have to be right and you were sure you were positive you were so sure i'd disagree

maybe love song

maybe it’s because it's easy or maybe cause i know you won't stay too long or maybe it's because you're a little bit sweet and shy and you'd never believe i'd write you a song maybe it’s because you’re really not my type and you know damn well I’m really not yours maybe it’s the lure of something far and away different than what I’ve known before and either way I’m scared cause there’s still a lot to lose…. so I’m wrapping this up like a package and I’m sending it on to you to do with it whatever you like cause life is short and our chances are few so maybe I’ve fallen for an idea maybe you are really not all there maybe it’s just the way I get a tingle in my toes whenever you touch my hair somebody once told me to always look before I leap and it seemed like good advice but I’m already way up here in midair cause I jumped off a cliff without thinking twice and I’m still a little scared cause there’s still a lot to lose, but… so I’m wrapping this up like a package and I’m sending it on to you to do with it whatever you like cause life is short and our chances are few and so I’m wrapping up this like a package and sending it on to you cause love’s not something that you hold in your hands and life is short and our chances are few

you're losing me

you've kind of got this smirk on your face in the picture i keep by my bed maybe it was just the slant of sun in your eyes maybe just the thoughts in your head so sure you had me that you didn't need to try thought that maybe it was just enough that you were mostly a nice guy but i'm a sucker for all the things you won't give all the calls that you won't make all the late night "i hope you sleep tight"s that you don't even fake and baby, maybe you don't know it maybe you don't even care baby, maybe you don't know it but you're losing me you're losing me somewhere and it's funny how i've stopped counting time in the spaces between you and you and i put away all of the picture frames though i really didn't want to i folded up every letter nice and neat and sharp on every crease and put away to read a bit later on the front porch during winter's first freeze and yeah, it's a little bit sad but staying would only make me sadder and i've finally reached the bottom of this well i dug and now i'm reaching for a ladder and baby, maybe you don't know it maybe you don't even care but i'm giving you the heads up right now so you can't say that it's not fair and baby, maybe you don't know it maybe you don't even care baby, maybe you don't know it but you're losing me you're losing me somewhere

gone

well it was barely six in the morning as I stumbled out of bed and buckled on my shoes and strapped my heavy pack onto my tired back and walked out with nothing left to lose and it was nearly seven when the train pulled in the platform full of people headed to work and back home again but they could tell I only had a one-way ticket sadness on my face and they wanted no part of it and then I was gone and then I was gone and then I was gone and then I was… but I kept my face pressed to the window I swear I could see it still though we were ten miles down the road cause look, there’s the tower and a field of yellow flowers all turned to face the sun’s early morning glow and look, there’s the man who never knew my name but he said good morning every morning just the same and he asked if you’re so sad to be leaving then why do you have to go? and I just looked at him and said I don’t know… and then I was gone and then I was gone and then I was gone and then I was… and I can barely remember getting off the plane I don’t remember my family calling out my name and everything around me should have been so familiar but even English sounded foreign and strange and then it hit me that I was gone that I was gone that I was gone and now I am

apple green and charcoal gray

apple green and charcoal gray and a sweet white blue I’m marrying friends off today as I sit here on this swing set without you and there’s nothing left to atone for there’s nothing more that I can do no sins left to be forgiven and certainly not by you so I think I’m gonna drive north to Canada something you said I’d never do gonna get in my little blue car and drive till I don’t remember you gonna drive past all the small houses down a long gray stretch of road listenin’ to talk radio and static gonna feel myself growing old apple green and charcoal gray and a sweet white blue I’m marrying friends off today as I sit here on this swing set without you and there’s nothing left to atone for nothing more that I can to say I’m kicking off my shoes and pressing the pedal down the other girls can fight for the bouquet.

so long to get here

I’m sitting in the driveway and it’s late I’m staring up at the great black sky and the occasional car drives by and their headlights catch my sad thoughts in their great white eyes and I’m talking to what I do not understand making a deal I hope that I can keep cause I’ll will do anything I can as long as you don’t take this from me cause it took me so long to get here with a smile just barely on my face my nails are ragged and my eyes are tired and the old me has disappeared without a trace and I know that this is childish I know I cannot drive a bargain I cannot barter to keep things unearned but given and I know I should just let go not worry over what lies in store and I know there is more to life than what I’ve been living for but it took me so long to get here with a smile just barely on my face my nails were ragged and my eyes were tired and the old me has disappeared without a trace and I am so afraid of losing the ones I love the most of living my life in shadows always tethered to a ghost and it took me so long to get here with a smile just barely on my face my nails were ragged and my eyes were tired and the old me has disappeared without a trace

it's been a long time

it's been a long time since i felt this way since i've gone to bed with a smile on my face since i've felt like i haven't given myself just enough rope to hang and it's been a long time since i let myself see how we've gotten to this place where we are now and we fought so hard to get here i don't think that i'll erase a single moment of this encore bow because we're here again and maybe this time i'll take the right steps make the right choice and learn the math maybe i'll be a little more adept at looking around and seeing what i have maybe you'll make me breakfast in bed and it's been a long time since i put this kind of trust in someone in whom i'd invested so much and i never knew that this gambling game could be so much fun and so easy to play because we're here again and maybe this time i'll take the right steps make the right choice and learn the math maybe i'll be a little more adept at looking around and seeing what i have maybe you'll walk me home under the stars and the sky is raining gray but i am not afraid the sky is raining oh so gray but i am not afraid the sky has rained for days and days and i'm not afraid at all and that i'm not afraid of you is the only conclusion i can draw because we're here again and maybe this time i'll take the right steps make the right choice and learn the math maybe i'll be a little more adept at looking around and seeing what i have maybe you'll hold my hand and I will finally understand

hooked

it's a drug this mouth of yours and i always thought i was such a good girl but i remember when you told me that you wanted to see the whole world and so i drew us up a map i charted out exactly where we'd head i planned it all with a heavy touch and i ignored you when you said we shouldn't get carried away and it did not occur to me that this could all be over soon i have a well-practiced way of over-shooting the moon but i'm hooked i'm fixed i could not get out without help from greater hands than these and you won i give up it's stupid to pretend i could do as i please i could even leave if i wanted to i could even leave and you have heard this all before cause this is what i mumble to myself when i roll over into sleep and i pretend that i am somewhere else somewhere i am safe somewhere i have been before and look, i'm not just a visitor - i have a place to hang my keys just inside the door but maybe you just have good manners and parties are what you like most but it did not occur to me that maybe you were just a good host but i'm hooked i'm fixed i could not get out without help from greater hands than these and you won i give up it's stupid to pretend i could do as i please i could even leave if i wanted to i could even leave

borrowed time

I know we are on borrowed time but I’m still not sure who we’ll have to repay music fills the long car ride and lyrics sketch in what we’re not brave enough to say and I’ve spent so much time pretending it’s not real I think reality is really going to sting so many feelings I can’t let myself feel still I can’t lay my finger on any one thing and I could ask you how you let me get away from you but to be fair I’d have to say I let myself get away from you too and I guess I’m a magnet for all fall apart I guess I’m an expert at breaking your heart I guess there was a place where this got its start but I never knew keeping it would be so hard and I’m trapped up in this tiny space trying to find a way out a solution where we can all escape a foolproof fireproof route and I could ask you how you let me get away from you but to be fair I’d have to say I let myself get away from you too

canceled

every thing you thought that you could count on backed up every check you wrote but it was not enough to pay off what you put down and now you’re broke and you’re sitting in this diner your face carved from the saddest stone and you place your order and you laugh with the waiter when all you want to be is left alone so stop pretending it’s all gonna be okay and stop pretending you wanted it this way and stop pretending that you know what to say if you don’t know what to say and your plans are canceled and every dream that you’ve been building since you were just a little boy just went up in the grayest of smoke so long to build, and so easy to destroy cause just like a kid who knew just what she wanted she got it but then she changed her mind and you were stuck on the losing end of a past that you could not rewind so stop pretending it’s all gonna be okay and stop pretending you wanted it this way and stop pretending that you know what to say if you don’t know what to say and your plans are canceled you were always such a romantic and she was the queen of reality and you could never reconcile that discrepancy so stop pretending it’s all gonna be okay and stop pretending you wanted it this way and stop pretending that you know what to say if you don’t know what to say and your plans are canceled

a few nights' confusion

I’ll pretend I never smiled at you that I never tried to catch your eye while my brain told me to look away and my words got scattered and shy so you go on, you get away go and find someone not me someone who is free to say things I can only think and I’ll be watching you go I’ll be cheering you on I only want you to be… and if a few nights’ confusion is the only price I pay then I guess I got off easily and kept danger at bay and if you don’t look me in the eye then I won’t be so helpless and I can say that I am brave and oh so selfless and I’ll be watching you go I’ll be cheering you on I only want you to be… and I’ll be closing the door I’ll be watching you leave cause I only want you to be happy

thin thread

thin thread I need a thin thread there’s bound to be something that can bind this together things said write down the things said surely we cannot be as changing as the weather and I try so hard to get it right and I try so hard to sleep at night thin line I toe a thin line and it’s so hard to tell where it begins and ends feel fine yes I feel fine if you need a lie I’ve got a few to lend and I try so hard to get it right and I try so hard to sleep at night and you know I love you babe you know I do I had this childish faith that we would somehow get through

so what

so what if it’s not okay if you lose your head and so what if it don’t work out if it falls apart instead and so what if you finally find there are some things that cannot be found maybe if you let it alone they will come back around and then you will remember and then you will recall and you will finally recognize some things are worth saving after all

credits:

all songs written by vanessa peters

cd recorded at kapelly records in castiglion fiorentino, italy

cd recorded and mixed by ice cream on mondays

cd mastered by gianluca valdarnini in castiglion fiorentino, italy

addt'l mastering by nolan brett at crystal clear sound in dallas, texas

cd produced by vanessa peters and ice cream on mondays

vanessa peters: acoustic guitar and vocals on all tracks

manuel schicchi: acoustic guitar, electric guitar, harmony vocals, tambourine, caramelle, synthesizer

juri deluca: bass guitar

alberto "gumo" serafini: drums and percussion

Outtakes:

"If I Stay" didn't make the final cut of Thin Thread, but presented here is an unfinished, unmastered studio outtake of the song.

If I Stay | mp3 (6.2MB)

Lyrics:

if i stay

should I be surprised to find you on this bend where the road curves then turns and straightens out again a place where you and I have never been did you get here on the wind? and how could I have known you’d follow me this far where the grass has burned and the sky has filled with tar and everything’s in flames when I’m not where you are and I’m stuck here with this daredevil heart and if I stay or if I go there are a thousand unknowns and I just gotta get this down before the next train out of town I write you letters I don’t intend to send and I still have a shirt I need to mend from the time I tried to climb your fence and wait for you to come back in and now the time has come for me to make it right and the only way is to say goodnight a rope around my chest is pulling too tight and suddenly everything’s too bright but if I stay or if I go there are a thousand unknowns and I just wanna get this down before the next train out of town the rope is pulling too tight and everything is too bright I think I’ll leave without a sound and take the next train out of town

You can purchase Thin Thread from the following locations:

CD Baby
PayPal
My Texas Music
Bathtub Music
iTunes
Awful Bliss